OurGirl: I'll Fly Away

for some reason, as i read morgan's blog, this song was playing in my head. i've been singing it this week because, old glory, when your back is to the wall, simple sweet songs about rising above your tribulations is powerfully comforting. morgie and i both have the wild eye wary stare-ies about us, but its only for two more weeks. after that, to quote the movie "gettsyburg"

its in gawd's hands naw.

the good professors shall see we receive our just rewards, gentlemen. quick step, my morgan. lets give them the cold steel of our determination!

which, have you seen that movie? gettsyburg is a favorite of my husband and mine. we howl at martin sheen's hammy southern accent as he plays general lee:

General Robert E. Lee: [Lee holds up his hand to silence Stuart] Perhaps you misunderstood my orders? Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Well, sir... this must be made *very* clear. You, sir, with your cavalry, are the eyes of this army. Without your cavalry, we are made blind. That has already happened once. It must never, *never* happen again.

you have blinded, me, suh! blinded me! poor jeb stuart in that scene! even though its shot really dark, jeb's beard looks awfully pasted on. we giggle that there were so many faux beards in that film the prop department had run out of the good beards when they got to jeb and just threw something together to shoot the scene. we also cheer chamberlain on during pickett's charge:

Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: [Chamberlain is addressing his junior officers before the Confederate assault on Little Round Top] Gentlemen... the 83rd Pennsylvania, 44th New York, and 16th Michigan will be moving in to our right. But if you look to our left, you will see that there is no one there. It's because we're the end of the line. The Union army stops here. We are the flank. Do you understand, gentlemen? We cannot retreat. We cannot withdraw. We are going to have to be stubborn today. So, you put the boys in position, you tell them to stay down. Pile the rocks up high; get the best protection you can. I want the reserve pulled up about 20 yards. This is sloping ground, it's good ground. If you have any breakthroughs, if you have men wounded, if you have a hole in the line, you plug it with the reserve. How are we fixed for ammunition?
Capt. Ellis Spear: Sir, I think about 60 rounds per man.
Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: That's good. 60 rounds. I think - I... yes, that's adequate. Any questions?
Young 20th Maine Officer: Colonel... seems to me the fighting's on that side of the hill.
Older 20th Maine Officer: Yep. Seems to me that we're the back door. Everything's goin' on at the front door.
[all but Chamberlain laugh]
Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: Well, gentlemen, that hill is steep. It's rocky. It's bare. To come straight up it is impossible. No. The Reb army is going to swing around. It's gonna come up through that notch right over there. It'll move under the cover of trees, try to get 'round the flank. And gentlemen... *we* are the flank. Gentlemen.
[he salutes, and all the others return it]
Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain: God go with you.

god go with us, morgie. we are the flank. we cannot retreat. we cannot withdraw. we are going to have to be stubborn today. arm your keyboards and write like the wind!

enCOURAGEment can be effective, but at times, nothing suffices like comfort. i think that's why i'm drawn to stripped down, hooky music like "i'll fly away." another song i sing sometimes is "how can i keep from singing?" sometimes i listen to bluegrass/gospel music. check out "geographical oddity" located in the right hand column.

but when i really need comfort i pull out frank sinatra & antonio jobim's gem from 1967. this isn't brash full of himself frank. this is the only frank i've heard that i like—a quiet, sincerely intimate, pared-down frank—and, the only frank i'm interested in. blame it all on jobim. frank does, complaining in the liner notes how jobim kept making him sing slower and slower. i'm glad frank caved and let it happen. there is only ten songs on this cd, but each fits into the other, hand in soft glove. in many songs, i feel like i can take on that persona and sing those songs like my own. in this recording, though, i always feel like this man is singing to me. like irving berlin's "change partners":

Must you dance
every dance
with the same fortunate man?
You have danced with him since the music began.
Won't you change partners and dance with me?

Must you dance
quite so close
with your lips touching his face?
Can't you see
I'm longing to be in his place?
Won't you change partners and dance with me?

Ask him to sit this one out.
While you're alone,
I'll tell the waiter to tell
him he's wanted on the telephone.

You've been locked
in his arms
ever since heaven-knows-when.
Won't you change partners and then,
you may never want to change partners again.

i hear it and i'm holly golightly—fabulously, desireably intoxicating and sophisticated!—and there are warm lips brushing my ear as the equally fabulously, desireably intoxicating and sophisticated! unknown man murmurs the song in my ear as we dance, of course!

darling, can you smell the estrogen? its perfectly palpable!

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss whoever-you-are? You're chicken. You've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay. Life's a fact. People do fall in love. People do belong to each other.' Because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well Baby, you're already in that cage -- you built it yourself. And it's not bounded on the west by Tulip, Texas or on the east by Somaliland. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."

Morgan: Tribute to Alexander Supertramp

Hang in there Byrne...I feel your pain. Life is hectic enough...all we got to do is hang on.

This weekend I went to see a movie by myself. "Into the Wild" Sean Penn's film adaptation of John Krakauer's book, the film is about a young eccentric man who disappeared, gave all his money to charity, had many adventures and eventually made his way to Alaska. I thought I was just going to see a backpacker movie, instead I got Christopher McCandless searching for truth and happiness. The movie was very well done changing time lines throughout and spectacular cinematography combined with an intriguing story had me hooked.
I was almost envious of Chris McCandless epic journey to Alaska. After graduating from Emory University in 1990 McCandless simply dropped out of society, hitchhiking across America, he became Alexander Supertramp. One part of me, would just love to throw the towel in and take off and follow in his footsteps...but thats not really realistic for me. I have obligations and family and I can't leave like that.

When I got home I started researching McCandless's life and was struck by many similarities between his life and mine. Chris would have been the same age as me, born a few months before me in 1968. He grew up in Annandale, VA where I lived for a few years. He graduated in 1986 (the same year for me) from WT Woodson HS were my son Chris now attends. He was on the cross-country team like me and was known for his endurance running. I don't know if he loved hiking or if it was a necessity for him, but he definitely appreciated nature and all its beauty. I have always dreamed of hiking Denali National Park and thats was Chris's ultimate destination also. I think Chris would have been the penultimate blogger...interweaving his philosophies and travels for the masses.

In 1992 he did just that, with little equipment he hike into the wild and for nearly four months lived in a remote part of the Denali National Park. He discovered an abandoned bus which he turned into his home. He was elated to be there. Inside the bus, on a sheet of weathered plywood spanning a broken window, McCandless scrawled an exultant declaration of independence:

Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, 'cause "the West is the best." And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.
Alexander Supertramp
May 1992

But the elation was overwhelmed by the reality that he was starving despite meager success at hunting rabbits, squirrels, wild birds. He made one attempt to return to civilization but was thwarted by swollen rivers. During this whole time he recorded every thought and hardship in a terse journal. Sick from eating poisonous berries and weak from starvation he wrote his last words.

I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and may God bless all!

Then he crawled into the sleeping bag his mother had made for him and slipped into unconsciousness. He probably died on August 18,1992 ...113 days after he'd walked into the wild, 19 days before six hunters and hikers would happen across the bus and discover his body inside.

The following is an excerpt from Jon Krakauer's celebrated book Into the Wild, which originally appeared in Outside Magazine, January 1993

I don't have a deathwish and I don't think Chris did either...maybe its the Call of the Wild, or an insatiable wanderlust. Maybe its the yearning for true freedom and the release of all fetters of obligation. To give up everything and just go...

OurGirl: Once in a Lifetime

The Sphinx: He who questions training only trains himself at asking questions.
[the sphinx was played by edward james olmos in mystery men]

momentum of an object is defined as the the product of its mass and velocity.

an average working mother with two kids, one husband, a diminishing freelance business, a budding vineyard and a townie has decent momentum. she moves in sort of a straight-line and at a steady, constant pace.

for you physics fans, thats: P=mv

the average working mother had been operating under the fundamental law of nature, the law of conservation of momentum. the momentum of her closed system was constant and manageable.

One of the consequences of this is that the centre of mass of any system of objects will always continue with the same velocity unless acted on by a force outside the system. —wikipedia

when the average working mother with two kids, one husband, a diminishing freelance business, a budding vineyard and a townie then decides to take on a grad level course and then decides to write a white paper for an incredibly cool idea—well, bye-bye velocity.


this snail was the old me. my first question is: why is a snail trying to climb up a stick? then i thought of how hard i complicate my life, for no apparent reason, other than the sheer joy of exhaustion. fight the good fight! suck it up and go, snail, go!

lately, the inner snail in me has been feeling like this:


i got this image from
The little snail that could - Snails are faster than ADSL

Asymmetric Digital Subscriber Line (ADSL) is a form of DSL, a data communications technology that enables faster data transmission over copper telephone lines than a conventional voiceband modem can provide. —wiki

brings a whole new insight into snail mail. but it does make me think, "to what i am yoking myself?" right now, i'm thinking all that new knowledge i'm learning is sort of sitting on me as i'm struggling mightily towards the yummy green—here, lettuce. [for me, the metaphor would work just as well if the snail was struggling for cookies.] i want to check the box, MASTERS! but man, its weighing heavy on my velocity.

velocity is defined as the rate of change of position. It is a vector physical quantity, both speed and direction are required to define it. —wiki

in other words,


the density of my life is really getting to be a drag. heh. luckily, the class ends early december, at which point, the effects of the added displacement and approaching deadlines of time will diminish [am i getting this right? what am i thinking—i'm a graphic designer!] and my velocity will pick up.

until then, go snail, go!

Morgan: Mos Eisley Poker

"You ready to call it quits?", Byrne asked me today. Oh crap, I thought she's breaking up the blog. She wasn't mad, or upset with me for not blog responding to the last post...She just wanted to know what the hell I was waiting for, probably because she has so much to say. I'm back. I really don't have any response to the last post. Wierd. Must be that new stream of consciousness blogging. Vanilla Sky? ughhh. I do like Philip K. Dick - Genius. I had to read it six times to understand what you were saying, but I got it eventually. Doh! I'm a simple man.
So I'm going to write about my latest obsession...No not Second Life.

If, after the first twenty minutes, you don't know who the sucker at the table is, it's you. ~Author Unknown

Last night I went to the local Carlos O'Kelly's in Fairfax, VA for my weekly poker tournament with the Stars-n-Bars Poker League I really get excited for this weekly game. As you may know poker has been pretty big part of my life the last couple of years. I don't play for big money. I play for love of the game. It hearkens back to my caveman DNA and this incessant need to hunt. When I step into that smoky bar something primeval triggers inside of me. Not only am I hunting, but I am being hunted by my prey. I have to be very careful...and bold.

I sat down at my table and looked around at my opponents. After a few weeks of assessing my victims I feel as if I am beginning to see some patterns which I might be able to exploit. We were crammed 10 people deep around a little rickety fold up table of green felt. The odd assortment of people are something you might see at the Mos Eisely cantina on Tatooine (Star Wars Reference) There was the big friendly Joker to my left who plays really well...I need to be careful of him. Next to him was a little old lady with grey hair reading a library book...She's dangerous, need to be careful of her. The man beast sitting next to her was as big and smelly as Jabba the Hutt, his chair strained to hold him up as he greedily shoveled tortillas and salsa into his maw...he likes to raise big and bluff. On his left is a young hispanic boy with a shirt and tie on...looked like a a young fish to me. Next to him is a grizzled old man with no teeth anxiously shuffling his chips, and chain smoking Marlboros...Looks experienced, better be careful. A middle age woman in a Virginia Tech sweatshirt talks to another woman sipping a margarita. Better not underestimate those two. At the end of the table was a stranger in dark sunglasses and black clothes with long silver hair, he looked exactly like the intense actor Edward James Olmos with his pockmarked skin. Although I usually play tight in the beginning, I got involved in our first hand with this intimidating man as he tried to raise me off the hand with a thousand dollar bet...As I had top pair, I cautiously called. He frowned at me, I couldn't see eyes, but I could see his brow furrow in frustration. He threw half of his chips into the pot trying to scare me off...my heart beating, the adrenaline rush was overwhelming as I showed him my winning cards. I scooped up the huge pot...thinking, I may look like a scared chubby white guy, but you guys better watch out, because I...am...SPARTACUS!


BLOG-OID Alert!

Gallup suggests that blogs are catching on with web users and their online activities.

Their latest poll, who surveyed 1,013 adults nationally, found that:

• 73% of Americans who use the Web
• 87% use email
• 72% check news and weather
• 52% shop
• 52% plan travel
• 28% use instant messaging
• 23% participate in online auctions
• 22% view videocasts
• 22% download music
• 20% consult blogs at least "occassionally" and "frequently"

OurGirl: Anatomy of a Post

Note: scene contains obscenities



This was supposed to be a post where i talk about band aid approaches to life. the movie snippet is from vanilla sky. the character tom cruise plays has a group of experts working to restore the damages to his face. these damages done are largely due to tom cruise's character never fully participating in his own life—but instead, preferring to just sort of float on the surface of life and mutter sardonically about the obstacles and people in his life. here he totally flips out and is probably one of my favorite movie scenes. i think everyone has experienced that sense of helpless rage, the contempt for corporate/technical euphemisms, and the dawning sense of horror that maybe, had they just been a bit quicker, smarter, more empathic, or just more aware, this all could have been avoided.

as i write this, boy2 shoves two starbursts from halloween into his mouth. with a dreamy look on his face he softly, almost reverently whispers as he chews: "taste the rainbow. taste the rainbow."

i remember vanilla sky is based upon alejandro amenabar's abre los ojos and i do a search on wiki for the movie. my intent is to make an obscure reference so that my brother will grouse, "i dont know what to do with THAT." plus, remember my fondness for latin magical realism? oh, and by the way, they've made a movie about gabriel garcia marquez's love in the time of cholera. i will see that one.

boy2 now has my camera and he is spinning himself in a circle, randomly taking pictures as he spins. that's pretty cool. why didn't i ever do highly imaginative things like that when i was a kid?

on the wiki page, i see the spanish film's plot and themes are similiar to philip k. dick's Ubik. morgie loves philip k. dick. tom cruise starred in the minority report, another dick movie.

heh.

boy2 has now pestered me to take him to the farm at the same point his father has called me on the cell, asking me to come to the vineyard to help with post hole digging. evidently there has been enough blog post digging for content. it is time to take responsibility and act in my life instead of just floating and responding to my life in an online dream. and yes, before i realized that blogging was imitating cinema imitating books imitating life, i threw a little temper tantrum of my own and snapped would you give me five minutes of a free moment to just think and finish this task? which is a task about recording the events leading up to the temper tantrum.

open your eyes and taste the rainbow.